How to keep sex and love alive: ‘argument enders’, alone time and 23 other secrets to solve relationship problems
‘There are different qualities to sex at different stages in a long relationship’
Kate Figes is an author. Her non-fiction books include ‘Couples: How We Make Love Last’ and ‘Our Cheating Hearts: Love and Loyalty, Lust and Lies’
Don’t expect to be one and the same. One of the more ridiculous myths about “true love” is the idea of the soulmate – that there is someone out there who is your perfect match. A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you – over politics, food, money, how to raise children. It’s those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world. Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be.
Accept that your partner is fallible. Expecting someone to be everything you need and everything you are not is a recipe for disaster. We all make mistakes, particularly in our love-lives, as relationships are never easy. But if you can exercise forgiveness in small ways at the start of a love affair then you’re more likely to find ways to forgive the bigger hurts and transgressions, if and when they happen.